Where should i start from?! Really confused! Its like all mess! Just dont want my past to be repeated again! Many targets, many tensions, many emotions! Priorities keep changing in life, from time to time!
In childhood, all our worry is about how to escape from teachers punishment, how to hide my progress report from my mother! Its funny how life changes from school to college and then to a working person. I always dreamt of being an ASTRONOMER and i know that would be now a dream itself.
I really wonder how big and beautiful the world is! Awesome creativity by god! Perfect example is Human Being itself! How complex is our body and the functioning of brain! But then where comes the actual part of my problem. Thousands of thoughts cross our mind for a fraction of second , but the beauty is WE can allow only 1 thought or i can say we can give chance to only 1 thought to our brain to think about. Then why do we always generate or allow those types of thoughts that we worry about?! Or constantly think about those which will hurt us?! When we do have choice not to think about that particular thought, why do we let ourselves into it again?! I wonder if i have answer to this most irritable question!
" A life lived in fear, is a life Half-Lived". I always think that i need to conceal ma feelings within myself and act as if im having perfect happy going life, and thats not a possible thought for me to happen. And this is one of the things that are out of my control!
We do believe that if u say something different , people think you are wierd or you have lost your mind, trust me "Being different is not a bad thing". You may not be right, but you just have opened the door to the people out there to think in a different perspective! "It doesnt take anything to stand with the crowd, but it always take something to 'stand-alone'." Just stop acting like a patient, and start Exploring!
The only thing , that bothers me is that, my past should be in past itself . What if its gonna come again?! I dont want to be a loser, not again atleast. Just never let your past ruins your present mood. Dont let anyone say 'you have never changed!' Change is for good! And stop thinking about your future too! Its in good hands, god will take care of it! Just be genuine and do your work 100%. The result may not be as expected just keep moving on, no matter what.
Just couldnt keep it in, Heaven knows i tried. A battle that spins in my head constantly about whats after this?! what am gonna do?! And i personally couldnt help myself to not to think about all this. Its just out of my control again! I constantly keep myself saying "am not weak" "i can handle things" "nothing lasts forever, nothing" "its just a matter of time", but then evrything is back again. Constant fight between 2 thoughts of "not to think and think".
I do always force a smile at the problem am facing. That gives me courage that am going to sove it either by hook or by crook. The only thing i love about myself is this!
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Well, i end up doing all this even though i dont want to! Hope i follow and just allow let things go on their way and ill do my work!
------------- Bye,
Iswarya
